i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
