what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
