So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
this boner is exhausting
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
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I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.