yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that