woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize