Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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