it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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