I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
