I got chris browned last night
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
