There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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