Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?