U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.