So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.