I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
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we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!