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apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Randomize
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