You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
