They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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