...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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