This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
