He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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