we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The air was thick with penises
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
