my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
