Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
