I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
