You made me cry and you don't even care
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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