You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
