My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
