the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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