I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
do herpes really smell.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
