And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
