and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
