are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
