chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..