Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.