dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many