If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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