Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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