Sry I called you an 8
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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