im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
