Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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