do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
