super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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