He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
