tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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