a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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