I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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