twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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