how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
