I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
