scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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