In the future we'll all be gay
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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