You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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