So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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