no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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