It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
