he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
