I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
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There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
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I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.