put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts