Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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