no, he came in my armpit
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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