you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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