It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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