I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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