I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
