but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I feel like a drive thru vagina
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
