I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
