This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Two words: blizzard sex
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
