If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How does one acquire holy water?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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