so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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